One thing some people don’t know about me is that I used to do martial arts. Then, they think it was for self-defense. Yes and no.
The martial art I did was Aikido, which is considered a “soft” martial art from Japan. Rather than blocking punches and kicking back when attacked, we learned to “catch” and then blend with our partner’s energy, and then move the energy in such a way that kept everyone safe.
Our teachers explained that the punch could represent intimacy just as easily as it could agression. It represented life force energy coming our way, and our innate responses taught us a lot about ourselves.
I cannot count how many times I heard our Sensei say, “Catch it.” And instead, how often we students would dart as the puch came, or push and shove to change the situation. How rarely we could actually be with the intense energy our partners brought us. It was an amazing practice and training for life!
I realize now how human that is. Not only when someone yells at us, but also (maybe even more) when someone is really loving us, it can be scary to stay present and connected.
It can even be scary to stay connected to our own bliss, our own joy. When life starts getting really good, how often do we put the brakes on, consciously or not believing the good can’t last.
Have you ever judged someone (or even yourself) as being unvailable? Unsuited for relationship? Like maybe something is wrong with them (or you)?
When we don’t seem to have the love we want, often that’s the first place we go. And then the real reason we don’t have the love we desire is because we aren’t centered in ourselves.
When we judge ourselves, we abandon ourselves and then no one else can find us let alone love us as we really are. When we judge others, we give our power away. In either case, when we judge we become un-grounded and vulnerable.
And then guess what? It’s actually not safe to open when we’re in that kind of state.
So the common “fight or flight” pattern in relationships actually comes from a very healthy, wise place of self-protection. Somewhere, deep down, we know we’d be better off getting centered first before we open.
And so those of you who feel like you keep “messing up” and you better find out what’s wrong with you and fix it, guess again! What if you could just be you and find love there? There is hope…
Let me tell you something very personal. 10 years ago I went to my teacher for a reading. “Why can’t I get a relationship to work?” I asked.
He laughed at me and said, “You’re asking the wrong questions. You’re asking what’s wrong with you, and what you don’t see is that you have a PhD and you’re trying to get a job washing dishes. No one will hire you because they won’t believe you’ll stay.”
I went home that night and had pizza and beer and went numb. Oh, and I was 20 minutes late for the reading! Here I was going to see the person that I (at the time) most respected in the world, but there was so much energy around my receiving that information that I couldn’t seem to get there! Then, I kept trying to “wash dishes” for years until I really got it! Now, I am laughing at myself.
For years I put up walls to love, even to fully showing up in my life, not because I was insensitive, incapable, or inadequate. It was the opposite.
I felt so fully and had so much energy that I was afraid no one would be able to match me. I was afraid to open to energy that didn’t support me, but if I believed no one could match me that was all I got– people who didn’t. And so it wasn’t safe to open. Genuinely.
The most powerful lesson I learned in Aikido is that receiving is a choice. It is not something that just “happens” to us. And the more we learn to ground and center our energy, the more we can open and the more bliss we can feel.
If you’d like to learn how, I can show you. If you are ready to stop asking “What’s wrong with me?”, ready to stop blaming others, ready to call your power back so you can open and feel and live fully, join us Monday for our free call, “Discover and Release Your Hidden Blocks to Love.“
I invite you to say YES now while the energy is flowing and fresh. Sign up now and your transformation begins!
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.