In our first 6 months of dating, my husband broke up with me 4 times. Whenever his bank account got low he’d disappear, then he’d get some
work and show up again.
It drove me nuts, especially at first before I realized what the pattern was. I thought it was me.
But after a few times, I figured it out, and I figured out how to deal with it. Needless to say, here we are with a baby on the way, and I could share a lot more about “how to catch a guy who breaks up with you 4 times…” but I think I’ll save that for another time.
But back to this subject of men and money. I realize so many women and men are feeling this tension, and yet I hardly hear it talked about.
Women I know and women I work with are wondering things like: “Why won’t he commit?” “Why is he so withdrawn?” They spend hours and hundreds or thousands of dollars analyzing what he feels and what they might have done wrong.
And it’s even worse for men, generally speaking. Men are usually too proud to ask support from their friends, or are conditioned to keep the conversation lighter. They often have to hit rock bottom before they even consider counseling, and then if money is the issue, they rule that out too.
I’ve been hearing story after story of women who make more money than their male partners, men who won’t commit, and even men losing interest in sex. While there are some men out there who don’t care to provide and are happy for a woman to, many seem confused or disturbed when their pockets are empty.
And the lack of talking about it hurts us all.
So what’s going on? Besides each individual story, I see a big shift in both masculine-feminine dynamics and in the way money is handled on the planet.
All the patriarchal, greed-based structures are crumbling and as they do, it seems men are crumbling with them—but this is not necessary. We are discovering what masculine and feminine energies truly are.
As women release the false programming that says feminine energy is quiet and passive, we are coming into our full creative power. Like Mother Nature we can create, destroy and nourish– sometimes all within a span of 5 minutes!
While true masculine energy provides structure and direction for the feminine, it does not dominate (think river/ feminine to riverbank/ masculine). The masculine is actually formed by the feminine, and he simultaneously provides support so she can make the most of her power.
A man’s providing money for a woman can certainly give her that kind of support and structure. But it is not the only way to be masculine.
Sometimes men focus just on the money and then fail to provide what women want even more—their presence. Yes women generally love successful men, but our first priority is feeling connected.
We can make our own money but we can’t hold ourselves. When we’re in a mood, it’s not so easy to see and guide ourselves beyond it.
I once read a Marriage Manual by Yogi Bhujan, and he recommended that a man throw his wife in a lake at certain times of the month. Kind of hard to do that by ourselves!
To me it takes more courage for a man to hold this level of presence than it does for a man to make money. And the interesting thing is, when a man shows up in his power like this, the money usually comes easily too.
We women are also learning to admit our true needs. Yes, the feminine power is rising, but I feel sad when I see women pushing so hard to succeed and denying their vulnerability.
We do want to be held, guided and protected. And there is so much collective feminine pain around being dominated or de-valued that I feel many women are in backlash.
Allow yourself your full range of feelings. We fear the opposite, but often our expression of vulnerability allows men to show up more fully for us.
Here’s another piece: as much as possible, feel and express your feelings in the moment. Of course, if you’re at work or in front of the kids, find an appropriate way and time to do this, but don’t hold them in for days.
I’m not talking about emotional manipulation. Feelings only get distorted when they are held in, or when we don’t fully honor them. And when we don’t, others won’t either.
When we recognize and share our feelings in the moment, they feel “clean.” And they provide a greater wisdom than our cleverest minds.
If you’d like to strengthen your masculine power, look beyond your bank account. Consider each of these qualities, take a moment and ask yourself how you can express more of each of them today:
- Providing structure or support
FOR ALL OF US:
In the new world of masculine-feminine relating, it’s time to live more fully on our “edge”. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships—you can be straight or gay, single or married.
We all have masculine and feminine within ourselves and these dynamics are playing out on the planet in our financial world, in nature, & in every aspect of our lives. The mass consciousness has been so numb, and one of my theories about why is that neither masculine and feminine have come into full power and balance yet, let alone the relationship between the two.
Just as we need both a healthy masculine and feminine to create a baby, so we need both energies to flourish for a healthy planet. I pray we discover and honor the true divine qualities of each, and may this lead to lives of greater joy and courage for the masses!