A client asked me the other day whether to reach out to a man she’d been dating, or wait for him to contact her. She is a passionate, enthusiastic woman and yet she wanted to stay feminine.
If you read “The Rules” or a number of popular dating books, or if you ask your Grandma, you’ll probably hear that women (or anyone wanting to play the feminine role in relationship) should never initiate, only respond.
I see the beauty in that, and yet when you throw in psychic dynamics, it’s not so simple.
If you think of him all day and imagine what you want him to say and do, and then he calls you and does it, who made the first move? If you feel empty and lost and desperate for him to fill you up, but you look stunning and act gracious, what kind of man do you think you’ll attract?
The whole package is important, but I find the energetic aspects of relationship are often overlooked. And I’m passionate about sharing what I have learned clumsily through trial and error, before I found teachers and developed what I now understand.
Here is what I told my client, and what I would tell women (or anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, wanting to play the feminine role in relationship):
Begin now to feel your fullness. The feminine is at home in fullness– for example: the fullness of family, beautiful things, emotions, conversation.
If communicating with a man (or masculine partner) comes naturally as an expression of that fullness, do it. He will feel your fullness and that enlivens and excites him.
The masculine, on the other hand, is at home in emptiness. The masculine finds relief in retreat to the garage or monastery, or in completing tasks and goals.
If your desire to communicate with a man comes out of a sense of need, or trying to achieve something (for example “I have to make plans for Friday night,” “I have to have 2 children before I’m 40,” etc…), then don’t. Because if you’re coming from this space, you’re in your masculine and you’ll either turn him off or he’ll become more feminine to please you. Is that what you want?
And the tricky part is that even if you don’t say a word, if you’re in the space described above he will feel it whether you contact him or not!! So, if you’d like to surrender in feminine bliss, start now and feel it in you and in your life.
Now, about wanting and desire… Consider that “wanting” implies you don’t already have something. That puts you in a space of need and emptiness and pushes away what you want… Ugg!
Of course we want. Otherwise we would be in the monastary too… boring! (in my opinion 🙂
But there is a fine line between wanting and desire. Consider being full, and yearning to share your love and passion. Different, yes?
My teacher used to say that our greatest pains come from not being able to give what we have, rather than from failing to get what we want. If we didn’t have something within us, how would we know to want it? How would we know what we’re missing?
And by the way, when you feel full inside, in touch with your power and passion, just think what a strong man you will attract who can match that. Bonus!
If this resonates, I hope you’ll join “Sweet Surrender”… I am over-full of material to share! 🙂
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Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
copyright 2010 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.