Maybe you’re yearning for that special someone, or maybe you’re married or dating and unsure if you’ve found “the one.” I am frequently asked:
“Is this person my soul mate?”
“Do you see a partner coming into my life soon?”
“What can you tell me about my love interest/ boyfriend/ girlfriend and I? Is this the person I’m supposed to be with?
Love can be so confusing! How do you know if the person you’re looking at is the “best” one for you? And if you’re single, how will you know when s/he shows up?
We all want the security of having someone special in our lives. At the same time, we don’t want to mess it up! Some of us err on the side of choosing the “wrong” one or sticking with an unhealthy relationship for too long. Others of us lean towards hopping from relationship to relationship, or avoiding partnership all together because we don’t want to be locked in to something that may hold us back.
While it’s ultimately true that no one can “hold us back,” and that everyone and everything is a reflection of something we’re choosing (consciously or not) to see and learn about, our relationship choices affect our lives profoundly and it is wise to choose carefully. Once I read in a book on Chinese medicine and spirituality that “wrong choice of mate” is a significant contributor to health and personal challenges.
With that said, is there such a thing as a “soul mate”– one person who you are “meant to be with?” In my opinion, not usually.
Over the years I’ve spent looking clairvoyantly at other people’s love lives, as well as living my own, I see love as a multiple choice adventure. Meaning, we have many potential “soul mates” from which to choose.
Does that mean I’m a fan of open relationships? No, not at all. I believe in the depth and power of commitment between two people. This offers us a safe “container” to open up and experience the best of what love has to offer– a sense of Divine union and oneness in body, heart and soul.
Let’s talk for a minute about what a soul mate is, then. To me, a soul mate is someone with whom I’ve felt instant recognition and a sense of affinity and attraction that does not fully make sense. Usually, there is a feeling of comfort, like “we really get each other”.
I have felt that with several people so far this lifetime. Some have been “near misses”– I felt the “vibes,” psychics validated it, but for various reasons we never dated (on the physical plane, that is. ;)-. Other times we dated, but it just didn’t work out long term. Then.. confession here… there’s the singer/ songwriter I listen to so often that my husband calls him “my boyfriend.” I do feel a kinship with this singer, though we have never spoken!
Basically, I see a soul mate as someone who you have a lot of positive karma with. Put simply, you’ve shared a lot of love and good times in past lives. You’ve had common experiences and have a similar outlook on life.
So why wouldn’t a soul mate relationship work out? For one, we can’t be with all of our soul mates (though some try!) And while you may instantly “get” your soul mate and feel incredible chemistry, you two may have chosen different paths this lifetime. Maybe one wants children and one does not. It could be that one or both of you is committed to another relationship. Or, you meet before one or both of you has evolved enough to be ready for the depth of love possible together.
If you feel you keep missing your soul mate(s), there is still hope! I believe we each chose the body and life we have now so we can learn and grow. Not just to push the repeat button. The person you’re “meant to be with” now may or may not be a soul mate.
I have seen a new movement in relationships (all types of relationships, not just romantic ones) where we are less focused on karmic completion, where love is a game of “mutual gifting” from each person’s wholeness. It used to be that spiritual seekers looked for gurus, people looked for lovers, and parents had children in order to “complete” themselves. More and more, we know we are already complete and so it opens up a whole new playing field!
My husband and I did not have instant chemistry and so we were both surprised in coming together. We had each been on a spiritual path for two decades, and we knew ourselves well. As our friendship grew easily, we were amazed at how many of his strengths were my challenges and vice versa. I cook and he cleans. I organize and he expands my vision. We have each gotten to the point where being “whole” doesn’t mean doing everything well. I don’t like to drive much, so I’m happy when he does. I’m better at tracking money, so I do that for our household. Our personalities are different, but our values are quite aligned.
I have found that common values are key for couples, especially when children are involved. We can find acceptance and even celebrate personality differences, and chemistry can grow over time. But if you and your partner disagree about what’s fundamentally important in life, it can be tough to move forward together.
My husband was familiar to me when we met, though not in that “heart-thumping” way that some “soul mates” have been. I recognized him because he matched an intuitive vision I’d had of someone coming in (right down to the specific location where we’d meet!) If you haven’t heard that story, I told it in this video.
When we finally connected romantically, I was 5 days away from leaving Santa Fe and moving back to LA. It made no practical sense. And then I heard a voice, “this is the man you’re supposed to be with.” Two weeks later, he followed me to LA. Four years later, here we are. Still learning and growing and creating together.
I am grateful to all of my soul mates for the love they’ve awakened in my heart! Truly, anytime we “recognize” another like this, we are seeing the reflection of our own love.
Knowing love is within you, what do you choose this time around? There is someone for everyone, and your hearts’ desires will bring you together.
Have a soul mate experience or a soul mate question? Feel free to post it below.
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