A few weeks ago I posted a video about “How to Tell a Truth from a Lie.” And while I teach people how to energetically “see” and clear the un-truths, I am also a cheerleader for living your truth in the first place!
Living and speaking the truth can be confusing and isn’t always popular– but it’s not only easier in the long run, it can even be life-saving. I’ll share a story…
Last night we had a little dinner party. One of our guests was at our place for the first time, and I could feel his tension as he tried his best to be polite about everything. Not eating until others ate, not speaking up if he did not like something, etc. Of course, it is lovely to be polite… but not at our own expense.
The guests were coming at 4:30 and we were supposed to eat at 5. My husband was behind schedule and we didn’t eat til 7 pm. Typically, I have a ravenous appetite (especially since nursing our daughter) and by the time we sat down at 7 pm, I was losing patience even though I’d been snacking.
We were all seated, ready to eat. Right then, Arthur decided he wanted different silverware and got up to get different forks. I said, “Please, not another thing, I’m so hungry… we were supposed to eat at 5.”
At this point our “polite” guest looked at me and nodded. I could sense his relief. I’d put brown rice on his plate and after we’d been eating awhile, he explained that he didn’t really eat carbs. I realized that’s probably why he didn’t eat our appetizers of crackers and hummus either. I wondered how hungry he’d been, and if he’d felt uncomfortable, like he couldn’t say something. I imagined so, since I hadn’t felt fully at ease. Usually when one person is holding tension it makes the whole environment tense.
That same night, we had overnight guests. Our good friends from up north were in town for a friend’s wedding and stayed in our spare room with their son.
What a dramatic contrast to the night before that next morning was. When 9-year old Elijah woke I asked him how he’d slept. He said, “I was cold.” I was sorry he’d been cold, but I thanked him for telling the truth.
Next, he watched me make breakfast. I pulled out a bag of raw buckwheat granola I’d make that my 2-year old daughter loves. She sees it and shouts out “Buckies! Please!”
He asked me what it was and I told him. “That looks disgusting,” he said.
I laughed and said, “I really like how you’re honest. A lot of adults aren’t so honest.”
We had a great little chat about the difference between being rude versus just being yourself. He got it. He said, ‘if I had said “that’s stupid that you’re eating that,” that would be mean.” Right.
I remember many years ago, I shivered through the night at a bed and breakfast in Ireland. When I mentioned being cold the next morning, the host took offense and exclaimed that no one around there kept their heat on overnight… as if I was crazy.
When I was pregnant, one of my husband’s friend’s had us over for dinner, and I thought we were going to eat about 2 hours earlier than we did. I guess my baby was in a growth spurt, because I was devouring everything in sight and still nothing helped until our buffalo burgers were ready at what felt like bedtime. It was awkward for me asking for food before our hosts were ready, but I had to or I knew I’d be no company for anyone!
And even though I’ve had those experiences– and many more– of feeling like people didn’t want my truth, I still speak up when I need to. I admit I am not always perfect at it, but I keep refining it and keep doing it.
Why? Because, when I don’t, I am way more uncomfortable than when I do. What we don’t express eats away at us from the inside out.
Our “polite” dinner guest has been fighting thyroid cancer for 16 years. That’s how extreme it can get.
As soon as he came to dinner I understood more why he suffered so. The thyroid is connected to the throat chakra, which is an energetic center for our communication and creativity. To keep it balanced, we all need to express ourselves freely. If only we could all take a lesson from that 9-year old!
The problem is most of us have a lot of stories, conditions and programs around our communication. Past hurts or invalidations, messages from family or society, fears and insecurities.
Especially when we are unconscious of these things, they tend to run the show and we either repress and hurt ourselves, or project which affects others. Personally, I find direct communication refreshing when it’s:
1). Clear, meaning the person is not projecting or dumping on me but simply expressing how they feel. They own it and the energy feels “simple,” no matter how intense they feel.
2). Connected, meaning the person is staying in their heart and connected to mine. Easier said than done, but so amazing to feel! When it happens, I feel the other person still has compassion for me, even if we disagree.
I invite you to practice speaking the truth this week. See if you can feel your heart, stretch your comfort zone and just share from your innocence. Doing so can do wonders for your health and relationships!
Have your own stories of speaking or not speaking the truth and how it affected your lives or others? Feel free to post them below. Express yourself!