A few weeks ago, my husband and I were arguing over text message. Being a parent sure gives you a kick in the butt to clear up whatever’s not serving you, your life or your family. And, that day, we were working a few things out.
I had left my phone in the next room, volume on low, so I could take a nap with my daughter. After a day in town and being cooped up in the car, she just wanted to play. She was rolling and crawling all over the bed, pulling up to stand at the bed rails we’d installed for her safety, and climbing on me as if I were a jungle gym.
Sometimes, when she’s like that, I get out of bed for a few minutes and come back and find her ready to sleep. It’s like she forgets she’s tired until she’s alone and feels her energy, then she just wants to nestle and rest.
And even though I wanted to sleep myself, I still felt a bit pulled to get up and look at my phone. So I stepped out for a minute and in that minute I heard a loud “thunk.”
I rushed in to find her on the floor next to the bed, crying harder than I’d ever seen her cry. I sat with her and tried to soothe her as she wailed. To my relief there was no blood or even a bump, but I felt terrified as I picked her up. My core was shaken and so I tried to ground as I held her and offered her the breast.
Finally, she nursed, and a few minutes later, she started to crawl away. I spoke to her and she smiled– bigger than I’d seen her smile in a long time– and flapped her arms (one of the ways she shows happiness). Right about then our nanny arrived and Azadeh was thrilled to play with her.
“Huh?” I thought. How can you go from wailing on the ground to being so excited? I called Arthur, wondering if he would even pick up given the mood I knew he was in. To my relief, he answered in a calm, present voice as if he’d already shifted something.
When I told him what had happened, Azadeh started flapping her arms some more. I had him on speaker and when he said he was going to come home early to do some energy work on her, she got even more excited. For the rest of the afternoon she was a very happy girl.
We knew the bed rails weren’t foolproof. There were so many nights when I had to get up to go to the bathroom, or when I stepped just outside the door for a glass of water or change of clothes. I was never gone long, but I had been gone this long before and she had never fallen before. So why this day?
Children are such healers. They bring us together, they wake us up, they make us realize what is really important. From that moment on that day, the fight was over. Arthur’s mood was different even before my call! We are that connected.
To be safe, I took Azadeh to a physical therapist (Jackie Leavitt, who was a guest on my Intuitive Mom radio show FYI :). After checking her body physically and energetically, Jackie confirmed my intuitive sense, “I don’t think she’s hurt. I think she was just scared.”
As we explored further, Azadeh gave Jackie the message that she wanted to shake things up. To wake her parents up. “Especially Papa,” she said. And it worked.
Ideally, our children would not need to get hurt to get our attention. Of course, we are not perfect and if we beat ourselves up trying to be, we do a disservice to everyone including our children. But this experience certainly reminded me, again, to be as conscious a parent as I can be.
Here are some of the things we tell Azadeh regularly:
- Mama and Papa are doing great and we love each other. We’re just working some things out.
- Mama’s stuff is Mama’s/ Papa’s stuff is Papa’s. You don’t need to take it on. You can be happy no matter how we’re feeling.
- Mama/ Papa are feeling sad/ angry/ frustrated/ scared/ etc. right now. But you’re perfect and we love you very much.
I don’t expect we’re going to stop her from waking us up in this lifetime. But we do our very best to create a safe, loving home for her, and to humbly receive her teaching. Thank you Azadeh!