I guess I had an inkling of my calling years ago; though I didn’t know how to express it. I told mothers in grocery stores to take their children off of leashes, and I told fathers to stop putting their kids down.I called parents on what I saw, even when it was not my place and usually they did not want to hear it.
Flash forward to 2013, and here I was, Miss IntuitiveMom.com at Trader Joe’s, carrying my mellow baby who just woken up in the pouch. We were at the checkout when a mother and 4-year-old boy showed up in the next aisle. He was curled up in the shopping cart wailing at the top of his lungs.
I felt for the mother. I could imagine her feeling embarrased, angry, and at her wits end as to how to comfort her son and maintain peace in the store.
I felt for the boy. He was not getting heard, and so he only cried louder.
The mother was tense. Her energy was contracted and ungrounded. If I were her son I would have wailed too.
And then she said something that really bugged me: “You see that baby? Even the baby’s not making a sound.”
Deep breath here. I have several problems with this:
1). She just trained her son to compare himself to others, and suggested others are “good” and he is “bad.”
2). Her son was crying for a reason. Instead of acknowledgement he got shushed.
Of course, his reason may have been that he didn’t get a box of candy that he wanted. And mothers have every right, and even need to set limits with things like this. But usually when kids act up like this, there is a deeper reason.
In this case, the mother’s energy was part of the reason. I could see how she denied herself pleasure. How her habit was to coil up in moments of stress, instead of breathing and grounding through them.
And so of course, her son demanded the pleasure that she was not allowing herself. He wanted that candy.
And he copied her tense energy, rather than relaxing even in his moment of discomfort. He was reflecting his mother, and for that she hated his guts.
And so she turned cold, which made him need her even more, which made him copy her even more, and infuriate her by screaming louder. And the cycle continued.
All this in a moment in Trader Joe’s. And I didn’t say much.
I have found that the same thing people pay me for (my clear insight) causes those who don’t want it to run away. But I wrestled with not speaking that day, and I did share with my daughter what I saw, because she saw it too and I wanted her to know she was not the only one who saw.
I worked with children many years before I had one. And every time the parents asked me about their kids’ issues, I could see the kids mirroring something in the parents.
So about how to handle a crazy child, parents, please ground yourself! If you’re not sure how, please check out my free meditation for mothers.
If you have a crazy partner, family member, boss, friend, neighbor, or anyone else, it’s a similar concept. Breathe, ground and calm yourself and the people you attract will be more grounded.
In some cases we need to remember it’s not about us, and others have their own past and their own challenges to work through. I’m not saying we caused or are responsible to change their issues.
But I think you will be amazed at how when you choose to be calm and peaceful, others will mirror you. Yes, you get to choose! Once they see this in you, they may realize they want it too, or they may see how silly they’re being.
Let me tell you a story about my husband and I. One day, he was angry and complaining out loud. I didn’t want to hear it, so I put on my headphones and listened to my affirmations.
At some point he said something to me. I saw him looking my way so I took off my headphones and said, “Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was listening to my affirmations.”
“Oh, go ahead… you enjoy, sweetheart,” he said, catching himself in his mood.
On those days I also ask myself, “Is he expressing some anger I’m not?” And if I discover something, I find a healthy way to express it so I don’t have to have him reflect it to me.
Hopefully, that woman in Trader Joe’s heard her own words about how calm my baby was. Hopefully she got a dose of calm by osmosis, and took a moment to get present with herself and then her son.
I may never know, but I am grateful for the inspiration to share this thoughts here, and intend they bring more awareness. Thank you for your interest.