I gave birth to a baby girl named Azadeh Rose just over a week ago. Of course, if you’ve been reading this blog awhile, you realize the baby has been very real to me since we conceived her; actually, she has been a “being” much longer than that.
Both my husband and I have been speaking with her for many years, even before we met one another. And since we conceived, we communicated with her in the womb just as we talk with someone we could see.
Sometimes, Azadeh came to us like a spirit guide, giving us insights for our lives and even for clients, friends and family. Other times, she was very much a little girl, telling us she wants a puppy dog and a swing set.
We often wondered if she’d be the same once she came out. So far, many things are consistent– her appetite, the things she smiles at, her strength and fiery nature.
What is most fascinating now is watching her get used to this new body and experience in the world. Of course, she’s been growing for 9 months, and even that is amazing. She’s gone from simply being a spiritual presence plus a sperm and egg to a full 8 pound 10 oz body and growing still.
I remember one early morning when we talked with her, hands on my very round belly. She was telling us how excited she was to go surfing and snowboard and do yoga, and my husband said to her, “It’s gonna take awhile to get this body going, you know.” I laughed, thinking of her popping out and hopping right onto a surfboard.
And now watching her get used to her body, I can sense what a huge transition it is for her—more than she realized. As her birthday drew near, she expressed so much excitement and kept saying “I’m coming soon,” then in the final days, “I’m coming now!”
I talked with her about the birth itself and she kept saying, “I know how to do this. I’ve done this before.”
I think for both she and I, the birth was more challenging than we realized. All went smoothly and I will save the story for another blog… For now, let’s just say it was longer and more painful than I thought, but as soon as it was over I was in bliss. And felt everything had changed.
Azadeh and I have been taking it slow since then, staying in and resting. I now understand why some have called a baby’s first 3 months out of the womb the “4th trimester.”
It’s a good thing it’s been raining because she closes her eyes and turns away from bright light. She rests with her arms in close, elbows bent and hands by her ears, in a position we think she took in the womb. She only wants to be held, never put down, and she wants to stay warm.
I can feel her frustration when she wants to move somewhere and cannot control her limbs enough to do it yet. Mostly, it’s all about the milk right now; that’s her favorite destination. 🙂
Watching her, I understand better even we full-grown, healthy adults can get frustrated with our bodies. As spirit we are infinite, and the body is inherently limited.
The joy I find is in uniting the two— and as I delight in my daughter’s buttery-soft skin, I appreciate the pleasures that we only find on a body-level. No wonder we love babies so!