Holidays highlight our relationships for better or worse. They can be joyous times or they can reveal our loneliness or family drama.
There is so much cultural programming about what the holidays “should” be, and we usually have our personal and family stories as well. What have your stories been?
Holidays are generally the domain of the feminine. The feminine thrives in relationship and wants to feel loved and connected.
A friend and I realized the other day that we had similar family stories. Then, I realized it wasn’t just us– it pertains to our entire generation.
Even though my friend and his siblings have all been out of the “nest” for over 20 years, their mother is still leaning on them. She was frustrated that, with Thanksgiving less than 2 weeks away, they hadn’t made plans with her yet. My friend understood her desire for family yet he felt pressured, smothered and manipulated.
It got me thinking that while in recent history the masculine has gotten a bad rap for being domineering, the feminine has been just as controlling in her own ways. As the distorted masculine power has expressed through aggression or imbalanced will, the un-healed feminine has used manipulation to get her needs met.
Even as recently as my Mother’s generation, these programs were hard-wired into both men and women. Not that they were bad people; it’s just been the survival game on the planet. And when it comes to survival, we can be very stubborn even in changing patterns that have long out-lived their usefulness.
In my childhood, my Mother had to have Christmas at our house, according to very specific rituals that started a month ahead. She cried if she didn’t get the gifts she wanted, or if the rest of us didn’t like our gifts.
Once my Dad decided we were all going skiing in Utah for Christmas.” Everyone else loved it but my mother obviously sulked.
After so many years of this, I grew older and moved away then didn’t want to go “home” for Christmas anymore. Not that I didn’t love my Mother; quite the contrary. I just wanted more breathing room for my own experience, my own joy.
The Mother energy is the energy of giving life as well as sustenance. When we share connection and nourishment– which we do over the holidays– we all tap into this energy.
So let’s be aware this holiday season of the original impuse for love and connection. We all have this and we all have a Mother.
Probably, we wanted this with our mothers and to the degree we did not experience it, we resisted and then became whatever we got instead. Are you laughing yet?
The control games that have run rampant on the planet are changing. This changing game is impacting our finances, our intimate relationships and more.
We can listen to the news or talk politics all day, but where this is really going to change is when we can look inside and at our close relationships and shift the game there.
Control kills the possiblity for life and creativity. As we become aware of where we have sought love and experienced control, we can see where we got hooked and breathe into our original desire for love.
In fact, our true nature is love. Control and security may look alike at first glance. Look again.
This holiday season, let’s realize our true natures and find security in our authenticity with each other. There, we can truly trust. There, we can truly, deeply connect.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.