If there were a 12-step program for this I could join. I can see it now… “Hi, I’m Ann O’Brien, and I heal men.”
For years I did it all the time, but didn’t know I was doing it. Then I figured it out, and I got pissed off.
It started with my Dad, then boyfriends, guy friends, guys I was interested in, guys I had subtle flirtations with, etc. I felt responsible for them and I took on their stuff unconsciously. I have always been a natural healer and entertainer, and that was my knee-jerk way of coping when the world around me didn’t feel good.
It was my story, and for a long time it was a “bad” story. Deep down, beneath my conscious awareness, I realized the power of this gift, but didn’t know what to do with it or if that would even be safe.
So I rejected it in myself and pushed away those who wanted it, but I didn’t even know I was rejecting something. I just felt frustrated a lot.
At the same time, I deep down wanted to give this gift and have it be received, but because I had pushed it down I didn’t even understand my own pain. I had no model for this.
At some point I figured out that I had been healing men all my life, and that I was unconsciously perpetuating and attracting these situations. It was uncomfortable but I was grateful for all my spiritual awareness finally, and I tried to stop doing it.
I learned techniques to help me. Even my spiritual teacher pointed out how this was happening, and suggested ways I could stop it.
Have you ever heard the saying that our greatest challenges in life are actually our greatest gifts? Or the suggestion to pay attention to our natural tendencies, because that is where our power is?
I have heard it but for so long didn’t connect the dots.
The problem was not what I was doing but the fact that I did it unconsciously, without acceptance, understanding, artistry and respect. And so it controlled me and caused problems for others– until I learned what I now understand.
Over the years I have been involved in many feminist or women’s groups, and I’m increasingly seeing a shift in power on the planet from men to women. And no one can argue that women have been historically wounded.
But guess what? Men have been wounded too.
When I look at the masculine structures on the planet that are crumbling, I see tremendous pain in those who are losing their long-held illusion of power and control. I listen to new-agey type conversations about empowering the Divine feminine and I feel sad to notice the masculine getting overlooked, blamed or judged.
When I help my female clients with relationships, I so often hear them complaining about men. They express things like “I’m fine; it’s my husband that needs to change.” Oh, if it were only that simple!
I hear women express superiority to men and then share how much they are yearning for a good man to come sweep them off their feet. Hmmm. And I SO want to help these women!
In reaction to the old model of being passive and helpless, many women have taken the feminist stance of feigning “independence” and embracing our power. Now of course we have power, but how are we using it?
Feminine power misused is no better than masculine power misused.
What will heal this whole thing is to co-create harmony, to open up a conversation so we can understand and support each other. For us all to recognize our unique gifts and power so we can stop projecting and start celebrating and sharing.
Just because masculine energy has dominated our politics, religions, economics and planet in general for so long does not mean this masculine energy has been healthy, happy and balanced. Far from it. If it were it would not have hurt so many and it would not be collapsing now.
So while I absolutely support the rise of the feminine, my vision is to see it rise in a balanced way, in harmony with the Divine masculine. Not just being ok with the more feminine men who don’t threaten us, but actually embracing masculine energy in men, in the world and in ourselves.
Now that we are starting to accept our feminine power, let’s use it to invite the masculine to step into his power too. Women, this is an art you can cultivate and if you don’t know how, I can help you.
It’s what most women– and men– deeply want. It’s a deep deep wound in the world.
This is not about sleeping around, not necessarily about sex at all. It is about being authentic in a way that brings out the best in men. Sometimes it helps him feel good, and even when it doesn’t do so immediately, it offers him space to choose and is ultimately a gift to all.
So much creativity and love get unleashed when the masculine and feminine unite in harmony and mutual respect. I realize many have feared this, and I have too.
But I see deeper now, and I am proud to say, “Hi, I’m Ann O’Brien, and I heal men.” In joy and gratitude for this opportunity and gift…
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.